Gender Identity Short Story Questionnaire 1. You are a heterosexual male/female (Randy) in a long-term relationship with a female/male (Rene). You have been involved for two years and have experienced problems with intimacy, communication, and trust. The thought of ending the relationship crosses your mind weekly. To give each other “one more try,” you decide to take a tropical island vacation together to the private and exclusive Isla Fantasia. While on the island, the proprietor’s assistant, a reckless and spirited, yet tasteful little person named Babo, gives you a tour in a golf cart while casually questioning you about your relationship. The tender topic causes strife, setting you and Rene off to argue in front of your guide. The debonair escort immediately diffuses the dispute, calming you both and saying, “I have juss the ticket for you Boss.” He takes you to a dirt and wicker hut, where, from behind a small tiki bar, he produces a steaming drink in a coconut shell. “Drink eet Boss,” he says, “eef you want to be closer—but there ees a price…” Priding yourselves on your eternal readiness to “drink eet,” especially from such a spritely guide under exotic circumstances, you and Rene split the elixir. Within days, all your problems melt away and you are both happy beyond your wildest dreams. Within six months you are married and living an ideal life together, until one evening, as you are about to make love, you realize that both of you are sprouting growths on your chests, over your sternums. At first just a thick patch, in a day the area becomes a mound, and on the third day, you are sure that the female partner of your marriage is growing a small but well-defined penis, while the male chest is exhibiting the clitoral/labial edifice of a miniature vagina. You are in shock and cling to each other for support at which time your newfound organs respond to the intimacy with arousal. Flushed with passion, Rene says, “Let’s just explore.” Do you: 2. You are abducted by aliens who draw you up into their flying saucer with a beam of light. When on board, you realize with some dismay that every member of the alien crew looks exactly like you. “Lexi,” they say, for your name is Lexi, “you are finally here—we thought we would never find you.” They then update you on your existence and identity, that you are a lost member of the race of Lexicons from a planet light years away, and that you were sent to earth as a baby to assimilate with the humans. However, now that you are among your kind, you can go home, as it is time for you to marry your betrothed, Lexi. From the circle of explaining Lexis, steps out a Lexi. It looks exactly like you. “It is time for the nuptials,” they say, “you must produce more Lexis for the good of all Lexis everywhere.” They explain, but only briefly, and with no details, that for Lexicons, reproduction does not involve two genders like on earth. “You know that growth next to you private area,” Lexi says, “yeah, that wasn’t just a birthmark. That’s part of your alien genitals.” “Lexi,” says your Lexi. “Lexi,” you say, and shake hands. This constitutes first contact. Do you: 3. You find an interdimensional doorway in an abandoned office at work—you work at a brokerage. You enter and realize that you are in a world exactly like your own except that you have switched genders. You choose to stay in this reality for “a little while” to “check it out.” Seeking a little privacy, you go to another abandoned office down the hall and quickly understand that once again you have found another interdimensional doorway. You walk through and realize that you are in a world exactly like the previous one except that you are a centaur. You gallop to the next abandoned office, and here we go again… This time you grow wings. After several more transformations, you are indescribable, except for a growth around your genitals, but fully certain that down the hall, in the abandoned office, lies the next interdimensional doorway. Do you: Score: a=5, b=4, c=3, d=2, e=1 6-8: You are a fearful and sourly repressed “Youmale.” Most days, you stay at home, languishing in front of the mirror. “How can I leave,” you think, “when everything I have ever wanted is right here?” You only admit it to yourself in the thickest haze of drunkenness, that you will never have the courage to rush your own reflection in a frenzy of passion, taking yourself to higher and higher peaks of ecstasy despite (or because of?) the bleeding wounds. 9-11: It is not “homosexuality” after the sex change. It is not “bestiality” after it dies. It is not “autoeroticism” with someone else’s toy cars. This may have nothing to do with it, but while we’re at it, it’s “Don Quixote,” not “Donkey Hoty.” 12-14: You made your parents cry. Did you know that? Of course you did—you just never cared. “Gender.” What does that mean to you anyway? How about “Give your mother a heart attack.” Does that mean anything? At all? You want to know your gender? Leave it alone, it’s not important. Not enough chicken soup in the world to cure the blight on your soul. 15: Congratulations! You have won the questionnaire. You are a “Growth-sucking-Lexi-fucking-hobo.”
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by Elliot Krop
SHELFLIFEMAGAZINE : issue #008 |
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