"Hollaback Girl"

Uh-huh, this is my shit (what does ‘my shit’ really mean?)
All the girls stomp your feet like this (good, interactive)

A few times I've been around that track (reader may not know what track you’re referring to
So it's not just gonna happen like that (be more specific, how is it going to happen?)
Because I  am not a hollaback (try holler back instead?)girl
I  am not a  hollaback girl [x2]

Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit [x4]

I heard that you were talking shit (why so many scatological references?)
And you didn't think that I would hear it
People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up
So I'm ready to attack (good, strong verb), gonna lead the pack
Gonna get a touchdown, gonna take you out
That's right, put your pom-poms down, getting everybody fired up (you just used this line, try something else)

A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl [x2]

Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit [x4]

So that's right, dude, meet me at the bleachers
No principals,no student-teachers
Both of us want to be the winner,  (this is implied)
(the sports references are good, but they seem to be vague in this verse)
So I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all (something stronger here)
Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you
That's right,I'm the last one standing, another one bites the dust (a bit cliché)

A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl [x2]

Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit [x4]

Let me hear you say this shit (again?) is bananas (confusing, did the person eat a lot of bananas and then have a bowel movement?)
B-A-N-A-N-A-S (unneccasary, most people know how to spell bananas)
(This shit is bananas)
(B-A-N-A-N-A-S)

 (implied by the repetition)
This shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This shit is bananas)
(B-A-N-A-N-A-S)

A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl [x2]

Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit [x4]

Gwen, there is some good stuff here.  I like the sports metaphors and the general energy of the piece.  There does seem to be a lack of focus.  Why do you go from talking about standing up for yourself to bananas to feces?  Ask yourself, what is your song about?  I didn’t quite get the hollaback thing.  What is a hollaback girl anyway?  Who is hollering at her in the first place?  Tighten these things up and you have yourself a good song here.

 

Ryan Dilbert

 

SHELFLIFEMAGAZINE ARCHIVES: issue #001